This is where we start

Image by Alexandra Haynak from Pixabay

This is where we start.

I’m probably supposed to tell you why you should read my blog, but the truth is that only you can know that. So I will just tell you what you will find here going forward, and you can decide if it’s something interesting for you.

1. There’s a balance of darkness and light.

If you have ever felt like a failure, you are not alone. If you are disappointed in yourself, you are not alone. If you think you are a terrible person, you are not alone. If you think that no one can understand your pain, you are not alone. Some people live their entire lives without doubting themselves, without an ounce of self-loathing, without ever knowing guilt. The others are us.

I am not able to give you all the answers, but I promise you, some answers can be found, and sometimes it’s enough. I have struggled with guilt, anxiety and self-sabotage for almost all my life, and it sucks.

I am also happy and proud. And no, I am not healed. I am not going to tell you the story of my success and my journey to it. This is not a “before and after”, it’s not an enlightenment story. This is just the story of how you can get your mind to shut up, how you can ignore it when you can’t shut it up, and how sometimes nothing will work, and that’s ok too.

2. Philosophy is a bitch.

Who am I? What is life? What is the right thing to do? How can I be perfect? For a long time I have asked myself these and many other such questions. I wanted to know. Not only, but I also expected to find the answers. I simply could not conceive that one day I would die without ever knowing the truth. This is how I stumbled upon the human condition, yes.

It goes without saying that finding the answers, I did not. So I decided I didn’t care and I hit a phase of contemporary epicurism. My new approach was “if I can’t find the answers, then there’s no point asking the questions”. That didn’t work either, and I have to tell you that the consequences were pretty bad. Anyway, I slowly and painfully pulled myself together, and one day I read this poem by Emily Dickinson. My life philosophy is summarized in her words.

If I can stop one heart from breaking,
I shall not live in vain;
If I can ease one life the aching,
Or cool one pain,
Or help one fainting robin
Unto his nest again,
I shall not live in vain.

Emily Dickinson

3. If it doesn’t define you, it doesn’t mean it’s not important.

Mental health is something I deeply care about. I have taken many decisions and new paths lately and I will tell you more about it. To mention a couple that are relevant here, I have gone back to university at 36, and I have decided to quit the job I have been doing for the past 14 years to do something entirely different. These decisions have everything to do with mental health: mine, of course, but also other people’s, as I hope I will be able to help some along the way. So as you see, mental health is a big deal for me. But it doesn’t define me, and it shouldn’t define anyone. To paraphrase Mr. Walt Whitman, we contain multitudes. So don’t be surprised if I post something about training your dog, or making the perfect lasagna. Or whatever. For a sneak peek, see the link below.

4. I’d rather not roar, if you don’t mind.

Now let’s clear the air about a couple of other things. I am woman, but hopefully you won’t hear me roar. I have absolutely nothing against roaring, and I will always support and sustain everyone’s right to roar. I will certainly write about women and feminism and you will find that I can roar, occasionally. At the same time, this is not a place “for women only”. I don’t believe in “us vs. them”, I don’t think you are either an ally or an enemy. I think life is more complicated than that, and humans are more complicated than that. For now though, here’s a roar, and it’s dedicated to all humans who had their wisdom born from pain.

5. Life is a work in progress…

…and so is this website. I will soon add sections about my routine, my heroes, my writing and anything else that pops into my mind. So stay tuned, subscribe, share, follow me, comment and contact me. If there’s anything else you would like to read or discuss, let me know. Until then, thank you for being here.

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